TGIF

So even though I barely got any sleep, this morning i feel amazing! Last night before i laid down for bed at like midnight i threw on the Jesus jams and opened my bible to Psalms. I didn't even get through the first verse before finding an answer to my prayer about this long strenuous relationship. It said to avoid destructive relationships...now I realize that may seem like sort of a common sense thing, but this relationship hasn't always been bad and I am certainly not one to give up when the going gets tough. He meant more to me than whatever issues we were having so i just kept praying that God would tell me if i was suppose to persevere or if i was suppose to walk away....and after a year and a half I finally got my answer. I called loko because i was so excited about finding an answer and then I put my phone on silent, said my prayers, and laid down for bed.

Somewhere around 2:30am, when I was in a very deep sleep i suddenly woke up and checked my phone to see Natty Jo attempting to talk to me. I felt compelled to call him back and put him in his place, and that is exactly what i did. He said something along the lines of me being delusional and how one day I would suddenly wake up and look back and appreciate everything he did for me so I, in return, released 18 months of repressed anger and pain and let him know just how I feel about everything he has put me through for his selfish reasons and how I have always endured anything he threw my way with a smile on my face none the less and how I just might look back one day but it will be saying thank God i didn't stay.

He seemed to suddenly understand everything he has done to me/ put me through and suddenly appreciated my even being here especially for as long as I was in addition to the things I did for him (because for him, just being present is enough). So getting it all out felt so damn good. I slept like a baby and woke up feeling happy and refreshed. I know I said I wasn't going to talk to him anymore ever again, but I am so glad I did just this once. TGIF!!!