excessive much?

So most of yesterday was pretty great...unfortunately loko and natty jo were both sick and tay just didn't answer so it was jwoww bieber and me. I chugged out of my bottle of wine, got ready and went out. When we got there, I had countless drinks and soooooo much fun :)  There was dancing and singing, and yelling and it was awesome not to have to worry about anyone but me. I ran into a friend from  high school, who is apparently gay which is sooo perfect because its like a guy and girl friend all in one!! lol i think it was his twenty first birthday.

after we left i made a call i probably shouldn't have and definitely could have gone without dealing with, especially for how drunk i was...i called natty jo...at first it was funny, then i made mention of the fact that he was "too sick" to come hang out with me, but that he would probably be well enough to visit savar and he got all mad and defensive and kept saying he didn't know. then he hung up and ignored all my attempts to talk to him and i got severely ridiculously unreasonably upset...i think i almost went insane because all i could think was fuck hes doing it to me again....and i simply cant do this. i contacted everyone who has ever told me they would be there if i needed them and as always not a single person answered.

eventually i messaged beiber because he was with jwoww and they both came over and saved me from insanity...thank God they were here. i put my phone on silent and turned on the shower and just sat down in the tub...apparently i fell asleep because i woke up choking in the water, at least i didn't drown myself lol. i think i was in the shower for an hour. i turned off the water, dried off then turned on the Jesus jams and crawled into bed. the last thing i remember thinking is that there is no way i am letting him do this to me any more.

i woke up with the worlds worst hangover and everything about the night before. i looked thru all the messages and kind of laughed at some of the silliness then thought about what he did to me. i didn't look at any of the pictures on my wall, i actually haven't even been in my room at all today. i decided i am moving on for good. i don't want to talk to him, i don't care how i look to him or his friends. if you truly care about someone, there is no way you would treat them like he has treated me. there are always guys interested in me and i know i can move on and find someone else and no matter what has happened in the past nothing makes what he is doing to me okay.

so today i have spent the entire day on the couch napping off my hangover and ignoring my heartache and just telling myself there is nowhere to go but up. so tonight i am hanging out with loko and watching jersey shore and then i am gonna have a good night. at some point today i am gonna clean my room and take down all his stuff...i haven't decided if I'm gonna be nice and attempt to return it or just throw it all out. i already have plans for this weekend to go to a frat party and I'm gonna look forward to just being happy and doing me. so i guess all that pain was a well needed wake up call telling me it is never going to work.