killing me softly

i hate you i hate you i hate you! i was doing SO GOOD until this morning when i woke up so upset and so freaked out. i hate having weird dreams. i dreamnt that i was just walking penny and suddenly there were snakes everywhere i looked it was so scary, i could barely move. and then i like ran home and penny shit because she was so scared too and i ran inside and jb was making me this crazy present that he said hed spent an hour on and he got me this white jacket i wanted years ago...and he said he really missed me and  he really wanted to cuddle, it seemed so real i was like omgsh me too lets do it then it hurt just that much more to wake up and remember whats really going on. ive done so good lately about not missing him not thinking about him..since friday i have been perfectly okay and then i go and have a stupid dream like that and it makes me upset all over again. then i tried to go back to sleep and dreamnt that i ran into him at school and invited him out for lunch and we ended up back at my house and we were about to hook up and i noticed he was missing condomns and when i asked about it he said he had already hooked up with someone else. i want to beat him stupid right now. i almost gave in and called him to scream at him for being such an asshole...but im sure that wouldnt make any sense for one and i dont want to talk to him, i know im just upset because a stupid dream. i honestly feel so sick like i could throw up right now. i wish i could just be over this whole thing already. i am so tired of missing him and wanting him. i just want to be moved on already. i have to get ready for work....