Good morning!! i slept so good last night, but i definitely could have gone with a better way to be woken up lol. So i have a long list of things to accomplish today, and normally i would be running around like a chicken with its head cut off right now because normally i would be catching the bus to visit Natty Jo at school especially since i have to go there anyway...but not today. today i am waking up slowly and pleasantly at my own pace and whenever i get my ass outta bed ill start my day.
I need to turn in a paper so that i get financial aid, print and get another signed so that i get more money and i absolutely must find my way to the donation center today to ensure my phone is back on asap. I might as well throw in checking on a couple jobs and doing salsa classes tonight while im at it. Today is my last day being 23...its so weird that im getting older. It gives me this horrid feeling that i should be more responsible. Its so much pressure from nowhere lol. I keep feeling like there are things i should be doing with my life that i absolutely am not because somehow id rather have fun than be responsible...who does that? haha.. whats worse is that most of the time im not even having fun when im doing it, and i usually have these empty crazy nights bc its what everyone around me wants and im just trying to make them happy. looks like i need to make alot of changes.
I feel like i should be on a rush course to finish school, i should have a solid career, i should have a car, a steady means of communication, and a beautifully decorated homey place to call my own with a large manicured yard shaded by willow trees blowing casually in the wind and several flower gardens on the top of a hill overlooking the ocean. I feel like i should be having tea parties and friends over for dinner, and movie nights or game nights, and i feel like i should be in a stable good standing relationship headed for marriage
Instead im enrolled in one class to finish the aa degree i should have finished more than a year ago, i have no job or job leads, i take the bus or catch a ride everywhere, my phone is a prepaid phone that gets turned off everytime im suppose to refill the minutes bc i always wait till then (im not sure why bc it always annoys me) and i live in a horribly annoying college apartment with two roommates. I have a long term on and off now non-relationship that seems to be going nowhere because we are both always waiting for things to get bad considering thats how it always is its what makes sense...and I go to four loko parties and drunkenly eat pizza afterwords. My life is not what i dreamnt it would be right now to say the least.
I suppose after all this complaining i should be thanking God that i have everything i do. I never go without anything i need, and im not gonna try to take credit for it either. Most of the time these days i dont know where my next meal will come from and there is always the possibility that i could be evicted for non payment...yet i eat at least 2 square meals everyday and i still live in this shit hole apartment. So thank you Lord, for taking care of me. I think its about time i get my lazy ass outta bed and make something of myself.
"I cannot give you the formula for success, but i can give you the formula for failure--which is: Try to please everybody." ~Herbert Baynard Swope
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